Depression

What to Do When Someone You Care About is Depressed

Virginia J. Duffy PhD NPP

Helping a loved one who is depressed can be very difficult. Sometimes caregivers feel helpless and unsure of what to say or do. Fear can cause helpers to be overbearing, hovering and treat the depressed person like a child. This is not particularly helpful for either the depressed person or the helper.

Here are some principles to keep in mind when someone you love is depressed.

Listen, listen, and listen.

Be non-judgmental but give honest responses

Avoid platitudes or clichés.

Do not treat the person as an invalid.

Try to be yourself. This is very important, as persons who are depressed can be very sensitive to changes.

If you can't be yourself because you are worried tell them so. Ask questions as needed.

Do not be afraid to bring up feelings, events or questions about suicide if this is a concern.

Engage in physical activities with the person, even simple walks can be very helpful. Be outside as much as possible.

Call the person at different times of the day.

Find out what the worst time for the person is and try to be available then.

Talk about other things beside feelings.

Keep conversations activities short if the person appears tired.

Ask about feelings.

Do not be a martyr, take care of yourself.

Talk about your own feelings with honesty but do not say things like "I know how you feel, I went through the same thing."

Statements of suicide intent should be taken seriously. Encourage the person to call a suicide hotline or their therapist. Ask them what their therapist suggested they do if these thoughts come up. If unsure of what to do, do not hesitate to call the police to have the person taken to an emergency room for suicide assessment.

If suicide threats are a common occurrence, talk to the person's therapist (with permission) about how to deal with this situation.

Encourage treatment. Offer transportation and company to appointments; combine with a social event such as a movie or lunch. 

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